{"id":3087,"date":"2022-10-21T10:55:19","date_gmt":"2022-10-21T10:55:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/psycholog-online.co.uk\/?p=3087"},"modified":"2023-01-05T11:41:40","modified_gmt":"2023-01-05T11:41:40","slug":"jak-dbac-o-granice-w-relacjach-z-innymi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/psycholog-online.co.uk\/en\/jak-dbac-o-granice-w-relacjach-z-innymi\/","title":{"rendered":"How to maintain boundaries in relationships with others"},"content":{"rendered":"

Every person living in society establishes relationships with other people. We have different relationships with people because our roles in life are different. Relationships can be better, worse, closer and further. Those that come easily to us, and those that make us feel not quite ourselves. And it is good to review these difficult relationships in terms of our boundaries. What are they anyway?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Not only in partnerships, but with people in general. Parents, children, co-workers. Expectations in relationships help maintain good mental and emotional health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No borders means:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Agreeing to things we don't want to do\/accept<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Lending money to others because we feel obliged to do so <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Giving up pleasure for the pleasure of other people<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Over-sharing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 People pleasing<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 building a wall around yourself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 not sharing at all<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 cutting yourself off from people<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 avoiding being sensitive<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Healthy boundaries include:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Free expression of opinions<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 The feeling of being valuable<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 Sharing with others as much as I feel I can afford and it does not violate my safety<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 When I say "NO", I don't feel like I'm doing anything against anyone, but I take care of myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2013 When I hear "NO", I don't feel like it's being said against me, but I know that whoever says it knows what's best for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are healthy boundaries?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Boundaries should be flexible, that is, neither too rigid nor too fluid. It's not about surrounding yourself with a wall and not accepting others into our world. It's about feeling safe even when others disagree with us. Good boundaries are the foundation of a satisfying relationship, not its enemy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to learn to communicate needs: Assertiveness is the key!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1: Be specific<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try to be as understandable as possible. Watch your tone - don't shout or whisper. If you use complicated words or jargon, people may not understand you and will miss the mark. Take a deep, deep breath and focus on precision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Say directly what you (don't) want or (don't) need.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, when someone in your company is talking about another person and you feel uncomfortable about it, you can say: I don't want to talk about someone behind their back. Personally, I like her\/him and I don't feel okay talking about her\/him in a negative way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Dealing with your emotions:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The hardest part is dealing with the discomfort that comes with setting boundaries. The most common feelings associated with taking care of one's boundaries are: guilt, fear of rejection, fear of hurting others, and awkwardness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to work with emotions?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you feel guilty<\/strong>, here are some reminders:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 It's healthy to have boundaries.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Other people have boundaries that you respect.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Setting boundaries is a sign of a healthy relationship.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 If boundaries ruin a relationship, your relationship was going to end anyway<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling guilty doesn't limit you from setting boundaries. That feeling. And like all feelings, guilt will come and go. Try not to treat guilt as the worst thing in the world.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We fear the worst. \u201cThey'll act weird,\u201d \u201cI'll feel awkward,\u201d or \u201cI might ruin our friendship if I try to set a boundary.\u201d Of course, we have no way of knowing how someone else will react to our assertiveness, but we cannot always assume the worst-case scenario.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sadness<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI just want to be nice.\u201d We feel sad because we assume that setting a boundary will hurt someone's feelings. We assume that people won't be able to cope with our assertiveness. Remember that you can't guess how someone else is feeling, so wait until they tell you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Awkwardness<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThings are going to be weird.\u201d This is also a common worry. Setting boundaries doesn't make you a bad person, just a healthy one. Recognize that you have done something good for yourself. Do what you would normally do in a relationship. If you talk to the person every day, call them the next day. If you assume the energy between you is going to get weird, you'll likely create that unpleasant tone you wanted to avoid. So assume that people will respect your boundaries and act accordingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to start working with your own boundaries?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Ask yourself questions<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. What I feel?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Why does this situation make me feel this way?<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. How can I deal with what I'm feeling right now?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    If you feel that it is difficult for you to set boundaries in your life and that it negatively affects your well-being in relationships with others, I invite you to a consultation with a psychologist so that together we can think about and work through the areas that cause you the most difficulties.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    References: Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set boundaries, find peace: A guide to reclaiming yourself<\/em>. A TarcherPerigee book.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Each person has different relationships with other people based on their roles in life. It's important to examine difficult relationships in terms of personal boundaries.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3089,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3087","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relacje"],"yoast_head":"\nJak dba\u0107 o granice w relacjach z innymi - Psycholog Online<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Stawianie granic to umiej\u0119tno\u015b\u0107 \u0107wiczona od dziecka. Co to znaczy brak lub zbyt sztywne granice? 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